Better Safe Than Sorry...or not!

I had this conversation on facebook. Someone posted a warning to do this urgent thing or there would be dire consequences. It seemed suspect to me. Snopes.com confirmed it as a hoax. An OLD hoax that keeps getting recycled. I posted the snopes link and the comment, "it's a hoax." The responses that other people posted were effectively, "I did it anyway because even though it's a hoax it's better to be safe than sorry." ARGH! Wait, did you miss that? AAARRRGGGHHH! It's a hoax! It's always been a hoax! Maybe someday it won't be a hoax, but doing that thing NOW won't protect you THEN. It will have expired! You're thinking, "Tana's going off the deep end. Why is this such an issue?" It is an issue, my friends, because it is the attitude of herd animals. All the cows are running THAT way, so I'm going to run THAT way and when we all run off of the cliff, at least I won't go splat alone. I wanted to scream, "Don't do it! It's really a virus disguised as a hoax disguised as a public service! If you do it your transmission will fail within a week, your grandma will get hives, and your cell phone ring tones will all be changed to M.C. Hammer's 'Can't Touch This!'" That's ridiculous, you say? You don't even have to verify that on snopes because it is silly. It's so over the top, it wouldn't even qualify as a hoax. However, the REAL hoax? The one that doesn't do anything but waste a few minutes of your time and your phone usage? Well, better safe than sorry, so I think I'll go ahead and do it. I'll be available for shearing in the spring.

Decisions, Decisions

It's been a crazy year for Bryan and I. Yes, all twenty days of it. The company for which he works is expanding rapidly. This is really good for us. After four years of working hard, helping with things that weren't his job, and waiting, promotion appears imminent. You do reap what you sow, but some harvests take longer than others. Before Christmas, we agreed that he should "roll out" for four weeks to help open a new office. We're in the sixth week of that four. The imminent promotion seems like a carrot on a stick, some days- right in front of him, but no matter how fast he moves, he can't get a grip on it. In the mean time, there isn't enough work here. So he has the option of taking the same promotion in a different district here, coming home to do not enough work while he waits for the district he wants, or continuing to roll out until his district is available. The roll out option may well take most of the year. It's a hard choice for us. We want him home. We want the original district because we think he'd be happier there. We want out of debt, and the roll out money could get us there, or almost. I miss my husband, but a (nearly) debt-free horizon includes things like a house, a retirement fund, a college fund... He misses me and the boy, but the provider-voice in his head pushes him to stay away. Tonight, he tells me they may send him to a different office to train new technicians so the current office manager can roll out to still another city. For three or four weeks. With no visit home between cities. I'm looking at pet-friendly hotels.

He surprised me this past weekend with a visit home. We haven't been together since Christmas day. We talked about our possible choices a lot. For now, he's going to keep on rolling out. We'll wait for the better district. We'll be thankful for enough work and higher pay during such a hard economic time. We'll work hard on a long-distance love- we made it work before we were married, with Jesus' grace, we can do it now.

It's been a crazy year, and while financial blessings and promotions may be imminent, normality isn't anywhere to be seen.

Confidence

from Merriam-Webster
Main Entry: 1con·fi·dence
Pronunciation: \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2 : the quality or state of being certain : certitude
3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy b : reliance on another's discretion c : support especially in a legislative body
4 : a communication made in confidence : secret
synonyms confidence, assurance, self-possession, aplomb mean a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment. confidence stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance . assurance carries a stronger implication of certainty and may suggest arrogance or lack of objectivity in assessing one's own powers . self-possession implies an ease or coolness under stress that reflects perfect self-control and command of one's powers . aplomb implies a manifest self-possession in trying or challenging situations .

My husband has been away for five weeks. When we agreed that he should travel for a while, we did it with confidence- our marriage could withstand distance (it has), he would be okay without me to cook and wash his clothes (he has), I could adequately manage our home and son and pets by myself (I have, but I really miss him). It's a pretty big thing to agree to one third of your immediate family to live separately for a time. We're managing, though, and I'm confident that with God's continuing grace we will be fine, and have a delightful reunion in about a week.

I wrote that to give you an example of my confidence. I am not a timid or uncertain person. Why then, did I spend at least twenty anxious minutes composing a very short email this week? Why did I wish it back after I had hit the send button? I'm not going to go into details, but it was a weird thing to send. Thankfully, it was not treated as a weird thing to receive. I got a gracious and friendly response. The oddness was apparently all in my head (or my friend is too nice to call me out).

Another area where I am uncertain and lack aplomb is ministry. The last few years, God has been using various people and situations to show me the gifts He has entrusted to me. I can't figure out what to do with them! It's frustrating. I'm sure (He had to tell me at least ten or twenty times) of this gifting. I can see the value of it. I believe a prophesy that was given to me that the horizon of my promised land as about to broaden significantly. Now if I could just figure out what, if anything, I'm supposed to be doing to help. I'm grateful for any prayers you have to spare for me in this area. I know we all have a LOT to take to the throne right now!

So, I didn't....

So, I didn't post soon. I didn't post at all. I thought about killing my blog because I don't write in it. I didn't do that, either. I guess that's apathy. I want to post just a few thoughts, though.

Tara's adorable new baby makes me look at my son and think, "Were you ever that small?" He does not, however, make me want another one. Unless God surprises us again, I think I'm done with that.

Another friend whose very young son just went to meet Jesus in person's loss makes me want to hold onto my boy and never let go. I can't even fathom the grief (but I can come close enough to be terrified). Her faith through the trials that her family has faced dazzles me. I know I can't cling to my own son, so I'm thankful the he's young enough that he doesn't think it strange when I hug him a little more often or say, "I love you," a hundred thousand times a day.

I wonder, could I let go and say goodbye for now with the grace this mother displays?

posting soonish

I have new pictures to post. I have new stories to tell. But. My air conditioner does not work. The heat and humidity are sucking the life out of all of us, and making certain tempers VERY short. Also. This is day 2 of a humdinger of a migraine. It is a wonder that I can make my fingers cooperate to type this much accurately. I hope it's accurate anyway. God bless generic excedrin migraine. And God bless you, my friends. I will post coherently soonish.

Things that make you go, "hmmm."

I'm borrowing this post from my friend over at Living in Fairyland. I did check at snopes, just like she did. I think it's reasonable to note that snopes did have a few qualifiers about energy use and such. However, the researchers at snopes do agree that for the most part the following information is accurate.

Tale of Two Houses

House #1
A 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not situated in a Northern or Midwestern 'snow belt' area. It's in the South.

---

House #2
Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every 'green' feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground.

The water (usually 67 degrees F) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

~~~~~
HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville , Tennessee ;
It is the abode of the 'Environmentalist' Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford , Texas ;
It is the residence of the Ex-President of the United States , George W. Bush.

An 'inconvenient truth.'

I sure hope this gets passed to everyone!
And, yes ... I DID check Snopes prior to forwarding it.


You can verify it at: http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/house.asp

Working it out in my head

Yesterday marked six years of marriage. Usually, we do not get along on our anniversary. I don't know why. This year, we got along just fine. Unfortunately, while we were at church, our apartment was broken into, the television removed, and several video games stolen. I need to make it clear that while I am upset about the stuff (it was our stuff), it isn't that big a deal. It's just stuff and it is insured. My pets were unharmed. That is a big deal. God is very good to us. In case you're wondering why my dog doesn't prevent events like this, it isn't his fault. I lock him in his kennel when I leave the apartment. Then he doesn't eat my stuff. Then he isn't in as much danger of being hurt or running away if someone breaks in. Moving on.

So we came home to a broken (but closed, and so my cat did not leave) door. A missing TV. The knowledge that someone had been inside the apartment and violated our space. I called the police. I cried. Not over the stuff, but over the paralyzing fear that hit me when the cat didn't come to my call and I was too afraid to walk through the apartment looking even though reason made it perfectly clear that no one was there but me. I called the insurance company. Bryan began cataloging his games to make a list of the missing. Bryan called his mother. We couldn't meet her to have her take Sean so we could go out for our anniversary. The broken lock had us securely bound to our home. She came to us, fetched lunch, helped Bryan set up a spare TV, bought new cables for it since all of the cables had been damaged when the TV was ripped away from them. She is a rock, thank God. Maintenance came and repaired the door, installed a new lock. We could go. We sent Sean with his Lala. We stayed home. Neither one of us had much appetite, and I saw no point in paying extra for food we wouldn't enjoy. Maybe we'll try it again another night. Maintenance also gave me a gerry bar. It's a 2x4 cut and notched to jam up under the door knob to keep intruders out while I am home. On the slippery linoleum, it doesnt do much, but it will give me a second to grab Bryan's rapier from the high shelf by the door while I send Sean to his room with the dog. I learned this about myself: if the need arises, I will not hesitate to stab someone to defend my son and our home. I'll feel really bad about it later, but I will still stand in the door, cell phone in one hand dialing 911, sword in the other, waiting for an opportunity.

Today I had to go get Sean. Leaving was hard. What if...I refused to finish the thought. I was not made to live in fear. I am keeping my mind steadfast with every ounce of determination I can muster. I will be kept in perfect peace. I had to pick Sean up, shop for food, go to the apartment office to request politely that I be given a different, higher, less isolated apartment with no transfer fee. The manager is out for training for three days. I was assured that my requrest will probably be granted upon her return, because it is reasonable. And because the police officer suggested that I move because now the thieves have seen our electronic wealth. They will probably be back. I will call again later in the week. It's a slow week, so I won't be going out much. I can stay home, near the rapier and the door.

I stayed in the office for too long, chatting with the receptionist. Fear had crept in while I was grocery shopping. In between prayers praising God for his faithfulness, thanking Him for the Good that will come out of this, asking for His favor as I handle police reports, insurance claims, and moving, fear had slipped back into my head. So I chatted with the receptionist to avoid going home. Nothing in my life experience has prepared me to be afraid of coming home.

So I came home. The groceries had to put away. The pets need me. I live here. I marched up to the building, arms full of food, praying my confidence out loud. I am not afraid. I have not been given a spirit of timidity. And I stopped to examine the door anyway. It appeared untouched, so I turned the knob and pushed. Still locked. So I unlocked the door, and while I spoke fearlessness, my hand shook. I put the food on the table, walked through the apartment. All clear. Back to the car for the rest, and Sean had to go with me. I don't know what I think will happen while my back is turned for two minutes. I don't want to know. We took the dog out. I called Bryan to let him know I'm home and safe, even though I still don't feel safe.

I'm working it out in my head. Jesus will work it out in my heart. He is sovereign, and will keep me in perfect peace because my thoughts are steadfast. With His hand on me, I will overcome the fear that I know does not belong to me. I just wanted to write it all down, so I'll have a clear testimony of my deliverance. And because now that I've said it, now that I've identified it in words, it's easier to keep moving past it. It is fear, and it doesn't belong to me. Better, I do NOT belong to it. I belong to the King of Everything. God is for me, who can stand against me?