Main Entry: 1con·fi·dence
Pronunciation: \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\
Date: 14th century
1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances
2 : the quality or state of being certain : certitude
3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy
4 : a communication made in confidence : secret
synonyms confidence, assurance, self-possession, aplomb mean a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment. confidence stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance
My husband has been away for five weeks. When we agreed that he should travel for a while, we did it with confidence- our marriage could withstand distance (it has), he would be okay without me to cook and wash his clothes (he has), I could adequately manage our home and son and pets by myself (I have, but I really miss him). It's a pretty big thing to agree to one third of your immediate family to live separately for a time. We're managing, though, and I'm confident that with God's continuing grace we will be fine, and have a delightful reunion in about a week.
I wrote that to give you an example of my confidence. I am not a timid or uncertain person. Why then, did I spend at least twenty anxious minutes composing a very short email this week? Why did I wish it back after I had hit the send button? I'm not going to go into details, but it was a weird thing to send. Thankfully, it was not treated as a weird thing to receive. I got a gracious and friendly response. The oddness was apparently all in my head (or my friend is too nice to call me out).
Another area where I am uncertain and lack aplomb is ministry. The last few years, God has been using various people and situations to show me the gifts He has entrusted to me. I can't figure out what to do with them! It's frustrating. I'm sure (He had to tell me at least ten or twenty times) of this gifting. I can see the value of it. I believe a prophesy that was given to me that the horizon of my promised land as about to broaden significantly. Now if I could just figure out what, if anything, I'm supposed to be doing to help. I'm grateful for any prayers you have to spare for me in this area. I know we all have a LOT to take to the throne right now!