January 5, 2010

So, I didn't....

So, I didn't post soon. I didn't post at all. I thought about killing my blog because I don't write in it. I didn't do that, either. I guess that's apathy. I want to post just a few thoughts, though.

Tara's adorable new baby makes me look at my son and think, "Were you ever that small?" He does not, however, make me want another one. Unless God surprises us again, I think I'm done with that.

Another friend whose very young son just went to meet Jesus in person's loss makes me want to hold onto my boy and never let go. I can't even fathom the grief (but I can come close enough to be terrified). Her faith through the trials that her family has faced dazzles me. I know I can't cling to my own son, so I'm thankful the he's young enough that he doesn't think it strange when I hug him a little more often or say, "I love you," a hundred thousand times a day.

I wonder, could I let go and say goodbye for now with the grace this mother displays?


Kristan said...

What a tough thought I don't want to think about. I know that the answer to all of my what if questions is always God is still with me, but right now while my children are still with me I will not entertain those what ifs because I am afraid I might give in to temptation to worry about those when they may never happen. Oh, I pray they never will, but if they do God will comfort me and you too! Satan will not get the satisfaction of making me afraid of something that may not ever happen.

Tana said...

mostly, it just makes me sad- that we live in a world fallen so far that ANYONE has to live through that. and thankful for the amazing blessing of health that seems to be laid on my son (he rarely even catches a cold or stomach virus when they go around & when he does, he gets the mild version). i don't worry about it, because 1) who can add an hour to her life by worrying? and 2) i can't even quantify the sheer undiluted joy that being sean's mom brings me. no one, especially not satan, is going to steal even a moment of that away. Jesus' grace is sufficient for me.