November 17, 2008

reposting from my myspace

’Cuz you have to rant somewhere
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life

What to say, what to say? I opened this window intending to pour out a lot of rage and maybe some fury.

You must understand this, my dear brothers. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
James 1:19 (ISV)

Instead, I find myself repeating the Fruit of the Spirit lyrics from the Doughnut Man.

Do you know the fruits of the Spirit?
If you do then orange you glad?
Yes you feel berry happy
'Cause these fruits will never go bad...

Oh, love takes care of others.
Joy means that God makes me glad.
Peace be still and quiet.
Patience waits- and is not sad!
Kindness and goodness are nice to others.
Faithfulness has faith and hope.
Gentleness knows how to listen.
Self-control knows how to say no.

The rage and fury are still here, I'm just realizing that they were pointed in the wrong direction.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for speaking to me and stopping me before the words even made it onto the screen. You deleted them from my head so that I would not be tempted to post them. You save me from the regrets that always follow unrighteous anger.

Here's why I'm really so angry. Satan, my enemy and the enemy of my family, has been telling nasty lies as usual. Worse! There are people that I love who believe him! Worse still (for me)! I almost got caught up them, too!

Jesus, why does this happen over and over? Guard us, I pray. Deliver us from evil.

What are the lies? He tells my younger siblings, "Your parents don't really love you." He says, "They're only interested in what's good for them." He lies, "You can only depend on yourself, your friends, and the brothers and sisters close to your own age." He lies to the adults in my family, too. He deceives us with, "There's no hope. They'll never change. You are a failure. Why do you pour out your energy and time and love when they won't ever appreciate it?" He lies to us all by saying, "It's too hard to fix it. You're all alone and you can't fix it by yourself. It's too hard. Just give up, and in a few years it will all be past. Then you can go on with your own life."

His lies are endless. He twists the truth around and makes it ugly. He divides, and he conquers.

Yes, I'm angry. I am not, however, angry with the family God blessed me with. We are guilty of being foolish and weak, but we are not guilty of the spite and hatred that has been planted in our heads by our enemy. We are only guilty of those things if we let those lies stand.

I am not angry at the siblings who believe that our mother's discipline is for her benefit. I have hope that someday they will value the good things she teaches.

I am not angry with the sister who says it is "bullshit" that she is loved by her adult siblings and parents. I am FURIOUS with Satan for contriving to blind her to our love for her.

I am not angry with the sister who disrupts our entire family with her rage and uses gossip and falsehood to stir up unrest in our siblings. I am contending and praying for her freedom.

I could go on and on and on. I could write it all out. I think, though, that I've made my point clear.

Thank you, amazing Father, for gently guiding me in Your way. Thank you for removing the fury I felt at my family and redirecting it properly. I claim freedom and truth for my family in your Son's name. I'm believing for Your miracle of release and protection.

If you're related to me and do actually read this...I love you, I love you, I love you. My ears and heart and home are open to you. We are not alone so long as we take shelter in our Father's house. We are not alone if we will stand together as family. It isn't too late, too hard, or too time consuming to build our family into something holy and beautiful. We have His blessing and support. I'm holding onto hope that we'll eventually have each others' blessing and support, too.

Love takes care of others- you would not be a part of this family if we did not love you.

Joy means that God makes me glad- in all of the turmoil, sometimes I forget, but nothing is comparable to the joy our whole family shared when you became a part of it.

Peace be still and quiet
- there's been no peace lately. Can't we take that back from our enemy?

Patience waits and is not sad
- sometimes it's hard not to be sad when I think of the mess our family is, but (as I tell Sean) I can wait with a good attitude!

Kindness and goodness are nice to others
- I'm starting with me. I will be kind and good, enabled by Christ's grace. I will be nice even when I want to shake you until your teeth rattle.

Faithfulness has faith and hope
- I believe that God can and is saving our family from our evil enemy Satan and from ourselves.

Gentleness knows how to listen- I know I'm not known for my gentleness or compassion, but I promise that if you talk to me, I will listen respectfully and keep your trust as the treasure it is.

Self-control knows how to say no- When I am angry. When I want to hurt you for the hurts you cause the people I love (including yourself). When my rage threatens to spill out into words or phone calls. I will pray and figure out exactly why I'm feeling the way I do before I type or say a word. I will listen quickly, anger slowly, and speak slowly. Your heart is more valuable than my desire to vent or rant.

To my family: I love you. I love you. I love you.

1 comment:

karen said...

I don't have anything to say, because you said it all so well and so beautifully. I just wanted to know I read your words, and they touched me. :)